Being an Army Wife...

I know that this blog is dedicated to talking about what goes on in my life on a day to day basis...most about the Army, some about all the other aspects in my life.
Today, I had a moment...I was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. They were rebuiling a house for a Army National Guard Family whose house was devestated by Hurricane Katrina. The show was more about the family than the soldier and it was very heartfelt and amazing. I think that a lot of people watch the news and see the soldiers but never really think about what each soldier has left behind. They have left behind jobs, friends, family, leisure etc...The have left behind the moments that they will never get back. Seeing your children grow up, seeing success and sadness, all things we all take for granted on a day to day basis.
It is VERY HARD what I do every day...as any Army or military wife can attest to. But I do it, and I really try not to complain....because I am so very proud of what Steve is doing overseas and thinking about him is motivating to me!
I want to just take this moment to thank him and all the other soldiers for their sacrifice and ALSO want to thank their families for the sacrifice that THEY make as well!!!

Summer Plans

So I booked my tickets to go up north over the summer! I was very excited. I thought about holding off until Steve found out about his leave but I booked them knowing that I could change it at any time. I know Steve said he would fly to wherever we are but, I don't like to say this, but I think I want to be selfish! I don't want to share our time together!!! I know there are people that will want to see him, but I can't apologize for how I feel.
Soooo, I talk to Steve a few days later...guess when his leave is...YUP you guessed it! Right during our trip up north! So I changed my flight and we will be up north in June instead of July...WORKS FOR ME!
That will be such an exciting time for us! Jonathan and I will get to see our family and friends up north, come home for about a week and then Steve will be here...now, the question is...do I try to surprise Jonathan again...he may know as soon as we get to the airport!!!

Feeling sad....

So, the day Steve went back to Texas, he went out in the morning to get us bagels because his flight wasn't until the afternoon. Before we brought him to the airport, he had to get back into his Army uniform so he left his barely worn clothes on the bed.
After I got home from hanging out with Jonathan after dropping off Steve, I found his clothes on our bed....I sat on the bed and just held them for awhile. They smelled like him. The smell that I smell when I would hug him, the smell that I would smell, when he would sit next to me on the couch...
Well, I have to admit I haven't washed the shirt...I hold on to it every night when I sleep just to feel close to him. I know it must sound pathetic but it is really comforting. But, the shirt is losing it's smell and it is making me really sad...that is how I feel today....

How I feel today....

One day removed from my half marathon, I am feeling really sore but SO happy that I did it and so happy that it is over! I feel such a sense of accomplishment but I also feel a lot of sadness. I can't even tell you how much I wish Steve was there to meet me at the end. He sent me a message on facebook while I was running saying that he was proud of me and that was a great motivator!
But today, sitting here, alone, I just can't stop thinking about him...how much I wish I could have just held his hand a little bit longer while he was home, given him one more kiss. I get through every day with help from my friends and family. Work is a great distraction as well as homework and of course, Jonathan. But, when I get home, get Jonathan all settled in to bed, and listen to the silence, it makes me sad and miss Steve even more. I know, every day I get through is a day closer to Steve getting home but it just seems like time is barely moving.
I WILL get through this, I WILL!!!
On a good note, Jonathan is doing miraculously well. He misses Steve a lot but he hasn't regressed at all. As a matter of fact, he is talking more and just being a little LOVE most of the time!

I DID IT!!!

What a day I had today!!! I couldn't sleep last night. I am not sure if it was anticipation or what but i probably got a couple hours of sleep. So at 3:50am, I was up and getting ready to go! Stephanie slept over to watch Jman in the morning and to bring him to the finish line. I left my house around 4:10 and with all the traffic, I was parked around 5:05am. By the time I walked to the start line and got myself situated it was almost 5:45. My time to start the race was 6:21 so I had time to just stretch, warm up (it was in the low 40s), and have some time to think and take it all in. This race was HUGE for me...never in my whole life did I ever think that I would be running in a half marathon. And, never in the recent past, would I have thought i would do it without Steve.

I was overcome by emotion quite a few times this morning. The first time was when they were showing this couple on the big screen they had set up. It was a soldier and his wife, who was on crutches. He had a sign on his backpack and it said "Running for my injured princess." It brought tears to my eyes... I know, if Steve were here and I were hurt, he would do it for me as well, without a question asked! Then, of course, the National Anthem was sung and that made my tear up...always does!

What was most overwhelming for me was the support of all the athletes. I was wearing a homemade shirt that stated that I am running for my husband who is overseas serving our country. It had a picture of us on "see you later" day as well as the service flag. I would say that at least 100 people stopped to either tell me thank you, to tell me to tell Steve thank you, or God bless our family. It just was amazing how many people truly are appreciative of what a military family goes through. A few people stopped to tell me that they have a loved one over there and it was so special to share in that moment with them!

There were times in the race that I couldn't imagine finishing, where I wanted to stop, but I never let myself. I probably ran about 1/2 the time and walked 1/2 the time...but I did it, I finished! I thought about Steve and Jonathan and all of my family and friends who were so proud of me and I realized that I am proud of myself!!!

Right now, I am really tired and sore but other than that, I feel great...I am already excited about finding another one to run! I also know that when Steve comes home, we will run it together!

Running...

It is pretty ironic...a long time ago, I decided that a goal of mine would be to run a 5k. Steve is an avid runner and I thought it would be great to start running so that we could run together. For anyone who knew me way back when, you know I was not a runner. In March of '09, I ran my first 5k and it was such a great accomplishment. I got away from running races for a little while but then back in October of '09 I did a 10k. It was totally amazing! But through all of these races, either Steve was away on Army duty or he had to work so he couldn't run with me.
I ran a 5k last weekend, ESPN the weekend 5k! It was a lot of fun but sad at the same time because I couldn't enjoy it with Steve (although hanging out with Carol and Jonathan afterwards was awesome!). Well this weekend, I have my Princess Half Marathon. It is something I never thought I could do. Running is something I wanted to do with Steve and now the biggest run I will ever do and he won't be here to meet me at the end...
BUT...everyone tells me that the deployment is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. In my opinion, this half marathon is the hardest thing I will ever do physically so if I can get through this, I can get through the deployment!