Today...

I know I need to blog about vacation...and I will...but I really need to talk about today...and in turn, may bring up some things that happened during my vacation.
I miss Steve...I know, I say it all the time. I can't help it but I do. I miss him with every fiber of my body. Time actually is going by pretty fast but it still doesn't make the days any easier.
Over the weekend, Jonathan and I got to say "see you soon" to two good friends who are going overseas very soon. It was such a bitter sweet time that it is hard to really discuss it. These men were both in the MA Guard with Steve when we lived up North and we became close with both of them and their families. They are like family to us.
Anyways, at the parties, I held it together pretty well for the most part. The first party I went to, I had my friend Nancy with me and she knows what it is like to be an Army wife and it was amazing having her there with me. The 2nd party was harder. On a night that was supposed to be about Elaine and Sean and their family, she included me and Jonathan. She presented me (along with the other couple of Army wives at the party) with a gift. She explained that we, as Army Wives, go through something like no other and no one knows what it is like except us. She is so right! AND of course it just brought up so much but I really tried to hold it together. The night was not about me!
PLUS, I was really stupid and watched "Deployment Day" on Army Wives. Now that TRULY made me sob! I know it is just a show but what they were saying to the troops and their families is what I heard on January 7 and 8 at Steve's deployment ceremonies. It was unbelievable to hear it all over again. Then I thought, wow, it has been 7 months! Steve has been gone 7 months. I can do this, I really can! I know I can! But looking at the next 5 months, I feel overwhelmed. Steve is going to miss Jonathan's birthday, his birthday party, his first day of VPK, Halloween, Thanksgiving...the World Series, College Football season, the start of the NFL season...all things we do together. UGH! It is only a few more months! But I just feel so empty without him. Like I am not whole...but this is an every day occurance and I know that in all reality, I will not feel complete until I have Steve home, safe and sound with me!!!
I am so sorry for rambling this evening. It was just something that I needed to get out of my head and onto the blog.
Thanks for reading and thank you to everyone for your support. It means the world to me!

"I miss my daddy"

These days are the hardest...Where Jonathan is just missing his daddy so much that I can't console him. Sometimes he just says it and he is looking for a reaction...but today and some other days are very different. You can see in his eyes how much he could use a hug from daddy and I just can't provide that for him, no matter how hard I try.
If ANYONE has any ideas on how to help make this easier for Jonathan, I am all ears! He is upstairs in his bedroom hugging his soldier bear...

What an amazing 2 weeks!

What a whirlwind of a 2 weeks we had together as a family. I am sorry it has taken me a while to blog it but it has taken me time to put all of my thoughts together.

Picking Steve up at the airport was the source of butterflies in my tummy! I was freaking out all morning and I couldn't wait to leave for the airport. It almost felt like a first date feeling, yet I was getting to see the man I already knew I loved more than anything! The moment I saw him I was overcome with emotions that I hadn't felt in some time. I also was blown away by Jonathan's reaction....he ran to steve so fast as soon as he saw his boots coming down the stairs into the luggage claim area. He jumped up for Steve to pick him up and didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go either.

Throughout the two weeks, I joked with Steve saying that if I tied him up and didn't bring him to the airport, could I keep him? Of course I would never do that and I knew the answer to it but I just wanted the time to stop. I wanted to savor every moment.

Steve and I got to go out together as a couple while my friend Emily watched Jonathan for the night. We spent the night at Shades of Green which is a military resort on Disney property. We got stuck in a crazy rain storm (almost like the rain we got stuck in on our honeymoon, it was kinda fun). We didn't get to see the fireworks and parade like we had planned but that was okay.

We also spent time at Disney together as a family which was amazing! Jonathan is finally able to ride the 40 inch or taller rides and Steve got to experience the first times for Jonathan. Steve didn't ride Big Thunder Mountain but Jonathan and I did and Jonathan was so brave! He screamed with glee the whole time and when he got off, he ran to Steve and yelled, "Daddy, that was SO AWESOME!" He also rode Star Tours with Steve and me. That is one of my least favorite rides but Steve LOVES that ride so to see the two of them ride it together put a smile on my face:)

For 2 nights, we stayed at the hotel on MacDill Airforce Base and we enjoyed our time together. It was very low key but what a great time. We got to go to the beach and build sand castles. Jonathan thought it was so much fun to do this with Daddy:)

Lastly, we took our family pictures. We had it done through Operation Love Reunited like we did when Steve came back for his 4 day pass back in February. We were able to get our pictures done at the Boardwalk at Disney and although Jonathan was very cranky, Erika Hopkins worked her magic and I just can't wait to see the pictures. She was amazing with Jonathan (she had more patience than Steve and I combined!)

The 2 weeks really flew by. I miss Steve like crazy every single day. I didn't want to bring him to the airport. I was pretty proud of myself though. I didn't cry the night before like I had done both other times. I didn't even cry on the way to the airport. But when he got out of the car and he had already talked to Jonathan, I just lost it. I cried in his arms but knew it was time to let go and let him finish the mission he had started. I can't put into words how proud I am to be an Army wife. There is no other feeling like it in the world.

The final countdown....

I IM'd my dad today....I told him next week at this time, Steve will be here...OMG! I can not even contain myself. I keep visioning the first time I see him when I pick him up at the airport...I feel like it may be like seeing him for the first time all over again...like when we first starting dating. I probably will have butterflies. Actually I already have butterflies. I know he is going to be exhausted, how can he not be!?!?! But I would think it will be a different exhausted because he will be able to sleep in his own bed and not have to worry about everything he must think about on a daily basis overseas.
I can not wait for him to see the new house. I really hope he likes it. I haven't been able to do everything I want to do with it but we have tons of time. I can not wait to go to Disney with him. I can not wait to sit at the dinner table with him and have a conversation with him and not ask him to repeat himself a thousand times (sometimes the connection when we talk over the phone is not the best)...
If you can't tell at all...I AM EXCITED! :)

One week left!

I have one week left of school. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This first year of teaching has been pretty difficult for me with it's ups and downs but I have loved it all the same. It is actually pretty sureal that it is the end of the year already. It marks almost the halfway point of Steve's deployment. I can not believe it! PLUS, it is now 2 weeks until Steve comes home. I can't even believe it is almost here already! This time away has been so hard on us as a family and I don't think anyone can understand until they have walked a day in our shoes. Every morning, I wake up sad. I look at the side of the bed where Steve would be laying and then I touch it....I rub my hand over it. But I become thankful that we are one wake up closer to being together. When I go to bed, I do the same routine, first sad, then thankful. Jonathan says every single day, "Mommy, I miss my daddy VERY MUCH." It breaks my heart but I know it is making him such a strong and brave little boy!
I still am quite nervous about Steve coming home. I know, it sounds ridiculous! I just want things to be perfect and we have been away from each other for so long, can it be perfect?
So, I continue getting through the next 2 weeks, first by finishing up this school year and hoping they ask me back...and then getting through the week until STeve comes home! But I registered Jonathan for swimming lessons that week (M-Th mornings) and that will help get us through!!!

Memorial Day....

I have to say that it really bugs me when people say, "Happy Memorial Day"...it is NOT a happy day. Not when we are remembering people who lost their lives serving our country. NOT when people here in the USA are living without our brave loved ones who are overseas protecting the great country we live in. Sorry...it is just a pet peeve of mine.

Anyways, we have had a fun weekend and I can't believe tomorrow is June!!! On Friday night I went out with my friend Angela and her boyfriend, Joe. We went for Hibachi and sushi and YUMM-O!!!! What a great time out with great friends!
Saturday, Jonathan and I didn't do much. I went to the gym and Jonathan and I hung out at home. Yesterday, again I went to the gym and then we went to Jonathan's friend's house for a BBQ. IT was a lot of fun. Jonathan and Nathan had a blast playing together in the pool while I got to have adult time! SOOO nice!
Today, I went to the gym and signed up for 3 free personal training sessions. I am pretty excited for them! I want to get myself in shape and make sure that I am building muscles too. Tonight, my friend Carol is coming over to hangout and we will have some bbq foods and maybe do some organization of the house...my least favorite thing to do.

So another thing that bugs me...Facebook, oh how I love facebook...but I got really bothered yesterday...it was reminding me in my events area that next Saturday, June 5 is my wedding anniversary...like I didn't know!!! Thank you for reminding me that it is my anniversary and Steve is half way accross the world...UGH THANKS!!!
Anyway, a 4 day work week and then this weekend is James Taylor concert with Randee!!! I can't wait!!!!
Thanks for reading.
God Bless America and God Bless our Troops

Wow, it has been awhile!!!

I can't believe how long it has been since I posted a new blog. SOOOO much has happened since the last time. I am going to try to make it short and sweet.
Work has been keeping me busy which is a good thing. I get to speak to Steve every few days which is really nice. Sometimes Jonathan doesn't want to talk to him but it is usually because he is preoccupied with a toy or a tv show or something. I really hope that Steve doesn't take offense to it because I can't tell you how many times he tells me each day how much he misses his daddy.
One HUGE thing that has happened in my absence is the fact that we moved!!! We were living in a town house with not a lot of room. I was driving about 40 minutes to work every day and it was just taking a toll on me. We moved to a house that is rent to own and I am so excited! IT is the most beautiful house i have ever seen and I can't wait for Steve to see it! I am really nervous for him to see it. I want him to love it as much as I do!
Steve gets to come home in June for a couple of weeks and I can not be more excited!!!! But I am also really nervous. It has been so long since I have seen him. Yes I saw him for 4 days in February but in all reality it has been 5 months. What if things are different? It kind of scares me. I love him so much. I don't want things to be different.
I am trying to plan everything that Steve has asked for while he is home. I want it to be a special time. I want him to enjoy every minute!!! UGH I can't WAIT until he steps off that plane!!!
Otherwise, things have have pretty much been the same. I have become great friends with our family readiness chair and I don't know what I would do without her. She has been such a help through this move. Her husband is overseas with Steve so she is someone who knows exactly what I am going through. I am enjoying our new house but it is quiet...I get sad a lot. I cry a lot...but I am doing it...I am making it through this year and no one can take that away from me, no matter how much I cry or complain!