The things I miss....

Before I get into the things that I miss....first of all I want to say that things are starting to get better for me...for us....As most of you know, I was let go from my job at the beginning of June. I really don't want to get into the backstory of it but it was truly devestating for me and for Jonathan. People told me that things happen for a reason and I tried to believe it. Well now I do...I was given another opportunity to teach, and even better...in the public school system! I am so grateful for this opportunity! Also, in the mean time, Steve was promoted to SGT! I am so proud of him! He deserves it! Things really are going to turn around.
Anyways, getting back to the things that I miss....
handholding, a kiss goodnight, adult conversation, being a coparent and not the only enforcer of the rules, more options to cook for dinner (it is REALLY hard to cook for 1 1/3 people...Jonathan really doesn't eat much), not being the only one in a great big bed....these things are probably taken for granted in a lot of households...I don't think after this year I will ever take them for granted again!

It has been a day....

I don't know what is going on...I spent most of the day with a tummy ache and after Jonathan went to bed, I spent the evening on and off crying. I know it is common to have up and down days but today...UGH! I guess the biggest thing getting me down right now is that it just seems like FOREVER until Steve walks back in this door. I know it is less time now then we have already had to deal with but it just seems so overwhelming right now.
Maybe once I become "gainfully employed" again, things will have a brighter look...oh I hope so! I keep a smile on my face for Jonathan... I do what I can because that is all I can do...it is what I HAVE to do. It is what an Army wife does every day, especially during deployment.
I really do love being an Army wife, but sometimes I am not a fan of the Army...if that makes any sense.

On another note....I finished 2 GREAT books this past week...Eat, Pray, Love...VERY inspirational and moving. The 2nd was The Notebook...I read it in 2 days and loved every word of it!
I need to find something Funny or uplifting to read so if anyone has any suggestions...I am all ears!

Today...

I know I need to blog about vacation...and I will...but I really need to talk about today...and in turn, may bring up some things that happened during my vacation.
I miss Steve...I know, I say it all the time. I can't help it but I do. I miss him with every fiber of my body. Time actually is going by pretty fast but it still doesn't make the days any easier.
Over the weekend, Jonathan and I got to say "see you soon" to two good friends who are going overseas very soon. It was such a bitter sweet time that it is hard to really discuss it. These men were both in the MA Guard with Steve when we lived up North and we became close with both of them and their families. They are like family to us.
Anyways, at the parties, I held it together pretty well for the most part. The first party I went to, I had my friend Nancy with me and she knows what it is like to be an Army wife and it was amazing having her there with me. The 2nd party was harder. On a night that was supposed to be about Elaine and Sean and their family, she included me and Jonathan. She presented me (along with the other couple of Army wives at the party) with a gift. She explained that we, as Army Wives, go through something like no other and no one knows what it is like except us. She is so right! AND of course it just brought up so much but I really tried to hold it together. The night was not about me!
PLUS, I was really stupid and watched "Deployment Day" on Army Wives. Now that TRULY made me sob! I know it is just a show but what they were saying to the troops and their families is what I heard on January 7 and 8 at Steve's deployment ceremonies. It was unbelievable to hear it all over again. Then I thought, wow, it has been 7 months! Steve has been gone 7 months. I can do this, I really can! I know I can! But looking at the next 5 months, I feel overwhelmed. Steve is going to miss Jonathan's birthday, his birthday party, his first day of VPK, Halloween, Thanksgiving...the World Series, College Football season, the start of the NFL season...all things we do together. UGH! It is only a few more months! But I just feel so empty without him. Like I am not whole...but this is an every day occurance and I know that in all reality, I will not feel complete until I have Steve home, safe and sound with me!!!
I am so sorry for rambling this evening. It was just something that I needed to get out of my head and onto the blog.
Thanks for reading and thank you to everyone for your support. It means the world to me!

"I miss my daddy"

These days are the hardest...Where Jonathan is just missing his daddy so much that I can't console him. Sometimes he just says it and he is looking for a reaction...but today and some other days are very different. You can see in his eyes how much he could use a hug from daddy and I just can't provide that for him, no matter how hard I try.
If ANYONE has any ideas on how to help make this easier for Jonathan, I am all ears! He is upstairs in his bedroom hugging his soldier bear...

What an amazing 2 weeks!

What a whirlwind of a 2 weeks we had together as a family. I am sorry it has taken me a while to blog it but it has taken me time to put all of my thoughts together.

Picking Steve up at the airport was the source of butterflies in my tummy! I was freaking out all morning and I couldn't wait to leave for the airport. It almost felt like a first date feeling, yet I was getting to see the man I already knew I loved more than anything! The moment I saw him I was overcome with emotions that I hadn't felt in some time. I also was blown away by Jonathan's reaction....he ran to steve so fast as soon as he saw his boots coming down the stairs into the luggage claim area. He jumped up for Steve to pick him up and didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go either.

Throughout the two weeks, I joked with Steve saying that if I tied him up and didn't bring him to the airport, could I keep him? Of course I would never do that and I knew the answer to it but I just wanted the time to stop. I wanted to savor every moment.

Steve and I got to go out together as a couple while my friend Emily watched Jonathan for the night. We spent the night at Shades of Green which is a military resort on Disney property. We got stuck in a crazy rain storm (almost like the rain we got stuck in on our honeymoon, it was kinda fun). We didn't get to see the fireworks and parade like we had planned but that was okay.

We also spent time at Disney together as a family which was amazing! Jonathan is finally able to ride the 40 inch or taller rides and Steve got to experience the first times for Jonathan. Steve didn't ride Big Thunder Mountain but Jonathan and I did and Jonathan was so brave! He screamed with glee the whole time and when he got off, he ran to Steve and yelled, "Daddy, that was SO AWESOME!" He also rode Star Tours with Steve and me. That is one of my least favorite rides but Steve LOVES that ride so to see the two of them ride it together put a smile on my face:)

For 2 nights, we stayed at the hotel on MacDill Airforce Base and we enjoyed our time together. It was very low key but what a great time. We got to go to the beach and build sand castles. Jonathan thought it was so much fun to do this with Daddy:)

Lastly, we took our family pictures. We had it done through Operation Love Reunited like we did when Steve came back for his 4 day pass back in February. We were able to get our pictures done at the Boardwalk at Disney and although Jonathan was very cranky, Erika Hopkins worked her magic and I just can't wait to see the pictures. She was amazing with Jonathan (she had more patience than Steve and I combined!)

The 2 weeks really flew by. I miss Steve like crazy every single day. I didn't want to bring him to the airport. I was pretty proud of myself though. I didn't cry the night before like I had done both other times. I didn't even cry on the way to the airport. But when he got out of the car and he had already talked to Jonathan, I just lost it. I cried in his arms but knew it was time to let go and let him finish the mission he had started. I can't put into words how proud I am to be an Army wife. There is no other feeling like it in the world.